When I am in the hospital, the time goes by so quick, I feel like I dont get enough time with my girls. But when i go home, the time doesn't move fast enough for me to get back to the hosptial. I start back work next week and hopefully I will be able to get pass the 8 hour work day. I know i need sleep but I want to see my girls more than anything in the world. Each time i come and talk to them, I get more and more of the sense that they know i'm here. Scott really had to push me tonight to make a trip to Target as I haven't had but like 2 outings outside of home and the hosptial. Its been a challenge as I feel that if i go anywhere else besides home, it makes me feel guilty. And then i feel guilty leaving home as our dogs are not getting as much attention and time that they are use to.. It's such a struggle but i keep telling myself, I've only been home for a week, it will all start to come together.
Tonight was really awesome though. I got to talking to Mackenzie for a bit, and she has been having a little bit of trouble opening her left eye.. She gets it a little bit open right now but still not as fully as Alexis does. So i was talking to her and she opened her left eye as soon as i started and then i put my hand on her "bubble" and she reach out her hand and it appeared as we were touching hands together. She was reaching out for me and it just touched me and reconfirmed to me that they know i'm here. Even though most of the time still due to me healing i just have to sit on the couch and watch them, they know mommy is here with them every step of the way.
We finally got news back from their brain scans. It wasn't totally bad news but it wasn't totally good news as well. Mackenzie has no bleeds so she will not get tested again until around the 36 week mark. But Alexis has a small bleed on her right side. (There was a lot of doctor talk that sounded like a foreign language to me) but they said she is a grade 1 which is at the lowest she can be. As of right now, there is not a concern. She will be tested weekly and they will just have to see what happens over time. So needless today, I'm trying not to freak and just keep pushing that again, something closes up on it's on.
They are doing super awesome on their feedings. They will be up to 6 ccs at midnight tonight. This is beyond my expectation. I thought it would be weeks before feedings got increased but as long as they respond well they will get increased every 12 hours. They are also now getting a fortified calorie also added to the milk to help add on weight and it is TOTALLY WORKING.. WAHOO.. Little Miss Mackenzie is now currently at 1 lbs 8 oz, gained a oz from last night, and Alexis is now at 1 lbs 11 oz, a oz from last night as well.. Goal is to get them to 4 1/2 lbs and hopefully as long as things go well, we get to jailbreak them from the NICU.. But all this is in due time.. until then.. we just sit in our "home away from home".
This is Mackenzie with Daddy's wedding band around her arm just to show how little they are.. (from a few days ago when they had the iv in her head. :-(