Tuesday, November 29, 2011

New Do, New Day

I've really never been the girlie girl type to always go and get my hair done or even wear makeup but today i finally took my friend up on cutting my hair/styling it. My hair was getting long and I have missed my highlights so I took her up on her offer. My friend Chelsea over at Carmen and Carmen in the Belk Salon did a awesome job.If you are looking for a fresh new look, you have to go and see her over there and she will hook you up. I never know that a haircut could make me feel like so much of a fresher person. I have never been to the salon before and it was nothing that I was ever use to. It was amazing. She did such a amazing job on my hair as i'm pretty picky about who cuts my hair but i haven't been able to find someone i trusted to color it in so long until now.  I felt like a whole new person when I got home and it was finally nice to feel good in so long. I finally took the time out to actually do something for myself. I felt guility though as I was gone for more than 2 hours but the extra step in my bounce and Scotts look on his face when he saw it styled (now that is the only thing that will suck is that i wont be able to style as good as she did it but still ), it was worth the 2 hours away.  So to moms who feel the overwhemling of being a new mom, take that two hours and go get a new do, from one mom to another, it is much needed and worth it. Or heck if you just are feeling down and not even feeling like yourself, i thnk it's something that will give you that extra boost.

Me and my princess after my new hairdo

Today also marked the day for a new step in the right direction. We had our weekly check up with Dr. Cope and we are happy to say that Pumpkin gained 6 ozs.. wahoo. She now weighs in at 5lbs 7 ozs. Formula is working. We finished the last bottle of breastmilk early this morning so she will now be on straight formula. They had to stick her on formula since she hasn't gained any weight since being home and it's working.  And for me, I'm glad to finally stop pumping. I always said from the get, it's ok if they had to go to formula because I didnt know if I would be able to produce enough for both of them so i wasn't against formula ever. I'm glad she was able to get my breastmilk and that i was able to pump but if it's not helping her put on the weight then I will do whatever it takes for her to get some extra calories even if that means formula. And now it just means her spit ups are a lot more thicker than normal. Now also i dont have to take extra time of pumping, washing, and sterlizing extra parts.. wahoo.. We also get to start every two weeks with Dr. Cope instead of every week.  Tomorrow we see the heart doc again and we also see the GI doctor to see what they have to say.
Pumpkin has been doing a lot better sleeping through the nights. she has a off day here and there but what baby doesn't. The cutest and latest thing right now is that she is trying to figure out how to suck her thumb. She gets it sometimes but then it freaks her out. She gets her thumb near her mouth but then she doesn't realize that she is suppose to unfold her thumb and then she is over it.She is trying to.  hold her bottles as well.. She is just getting to big for her britches which is crazy to know that she will be 4 months old tomorrow.  Its hard to still know and accept that I have a 4 month old. Some docs consider her a 4 month old but then others consider her only a 2 1/2 week old new born as their due dates were on Nov. 11. so needless to say im' pretty confused on where her development should be. she is already holding her head up and turning her head but she has been doing that for quite some time now. She goes to town on her paci.
I'm a big girl mommy. I can do it on my own.

We also got to go out and put a new little christmas tree out for Alexis. It's hot pink and bright green. Colors i loved for the girls. I got a semi matching wreath but i think i'm gonna put that for Mackenzie so that they can having matching things. I hope she likes it as much as I liked it for her.

Well until tomorrow with a new day for a round of doctors, Ill update soon. 

Friday, November 25, 2011

We had turkey..

After much debate and the last minute decision, Scott and I finally decided to host Thanksgiving. We normally host every year but we were scared of having all the people int he house with Pumpkin this year.  As much as i wanted to keep her safe i also in the same token wanted to get back to our life semi. So much has been taken away from us this year, I didnt want our first holiday to be taken away as well as we wont take Mackenzie anywhere except to doctor appointments, and if we didnt host then that means, there wasn't much of a holiday for us. I needed this day so we made it clear to everyone though, that no one was allowed to come into her room and we kept the door shut from everyone.  We have had alot to be thankful for but I still felt a sense of emptyness. the holidays are going to be hard but in time i hope they become more managable. Scott finished up our curio cabinet we got for all of Alexis's things and it was a perfect touch for me on the holiday.
But thanksgiving went off with a bang. We had a large crowd this year, some 15 people. so much wonderful food from everyone and then we went and saw Alexis. It was late and dark but I still wanted to at least see her for a lttle bit for the day.  The morning was spent cleaning house and cooking and partially napping as i didnt sleep the night before.
I knew Alexis was with us because  Mackenzie has not pooped since Friday and so I tried prune juice and she did nothing but spit that all up, we even tried a suppostory and that didnt work. So needless to say, when we went to visit Alexis, i actually asked her if she could let her sister have a bowl movement because seh really needed it. Well for her 9'o clock feed,(and this was about a hour after visiting Alexis)  wahoo.. she had a huge blow out and even during her feed so needless to say we now have a tummy feeling better happy baby..
I'm so happy to report also that the apple worked for our lung doctor. I would have given this man a hug if i wasn't holding Mackenzie so instead he settled for a air high five. We get to see Dr. Trey Brown with USC etc etc.. (pretty much we live in 9 Medical Park now down by Richland Hosptial) He let us come off the pulse ox machine. That was so exciting as that machine was getting worse. She kicked it would go off.. needless to say i was on the verge of throwing this thing. For my sanity sake i was so about to do whatever it took to come off of it because i'm not quite sure why we were on it and it kept me up more than  anything.  He said her lungs sound great so for now we are going tow ork on getting her off the other two machines. We also got a awesome treat when visiting this doc. We got to see one of our other favorite semi NICU nurse who we didnt know when we would see again. Dr. Clark (eye doc) has a assisant i guess you could say that came to the NICU with him and that was Ms. Sharon, and we thought we would see her when we go and see him but she only does the NICU with him and handles the synigias shots as well and apparently the lung doc offices is the same place we get her synigias shots at (rsv shots) so now we get to see Ms. Sharon every month still. We heard her voice around th.e corner and had to ask if that was her and sure enough it was.. We were alll happy as we love sharon.
Mackenzie is doing ok on the formula/breastmilk. She is still refluxing but not as much. But also it's a lot thicker also. We go and see the GI doc next week as they finally called and made an appointment. We are hoping to see some weight gain come tuesday when we go for our weekly visit with Dr. Cope. Either way to me, she looks bigger... she has come a long way from 1 lbs 6 ozs to where she is now. Oh and also we got to stop the home health nurse for now. All they were doing were weighing her which was pointless because we had so many doc appts anyways where they were weighing her. Plus they always called the day of and then gave us like a hour windown of when they were coming. We will pick up the home health though again when we dont have to see Dr. Cope every week but i dont mind that.
Scott is finally feeling better which i'm excited because i got to do some black friday shopping this morning. I traditionally try to do the whole 3 am thing but this year i just couldn't do it. I was so tired i couldn't get out of bed but finally around 8 i stumbled out and scored on some toys for later one for her. It was weird seeing harbinson quite on Black Friday. I was in and out no problem.
We have 3 doctors appointment this up coming week but they are spaced out a little better.
Well good night to all and to all a good night.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

If only the apple would work..

I wish that old saying "an aple away keeps the doctor away" was all it took. It seems like we add a new one each week. I normally dont mind them as much as that is about the only time we leave the house or just for a quick run, but this week we have them all back to back as everyone wanted to see her before the week is out. And everyone will be proud that I gave myself a little bit of time this past week with friends. I went out to the opening night for Breaking Dawn with the girls. Had a little aniexty at first but catching up with them was really awesome. then this past sunday was our dear friend Lynne's birthday so  i meet up with everyone for dinner as daddy stayed home and sent me pictures. I'm a work in progress but it's happening slowly but surely.
Monday rounds of doctors consisted of Dr. Clark for her ROP and then her peditrician just for another check up. although we will be seeing Dr. Cope every week for a little bit. We are excited to report though that Dr. Clark said her ROP is at a Stage 0 in both eyes. It's not 100% but he thinks that in our next visit it should be completely gone and that will be our last visit with him. We will lose him as a doctor but then we gain Dr. Cheeseman for regular eye appointments. The peditrician visit went about the same as usual, althought he wants us to now see a GI (gastral doc)as her reflux is resticting her from gaining wait. So we also got to start supplement with a formula.  which is ok with me because i'm slowly running out of breastmilk and my pumping is slowing down. And anything that she needs to gain weight i will do. She currently weights still at 5lbs 1 oz..She's only gained about 2 ozs since being home which is not good but hopefully she will start gaining soon with the formula.
Today rounds of doctors consisted of the dietian and the endiocrologist.  The dietian wants us to up her formula and gave me the "recipe" on where she needs to be at and also added a mulitvitiam that so far Mackenzie did not like so we tried another brand so we will see. The endiocrologist pretty much said that Mackenzie doesn't exactly have a thyroid issue but the past few times they have tested her, her levels have been up and down so they think she is transic which means she is very borderline so just to air ont he side of caution they are going to go ahead and treat her until 3 years of age as that is more of the official age to see where  a child is at with thyroid. She thinks Mackenzie wont have a thyroid issue but she just wanted to go ahead and treat. We will see them abotu every 3 months to make sure her dosages are ok as she grows.
Tomorrow we get to see the lung doctor. So hopefully we can just keep staying on the monitoring track..

Overall she has been doing a lot better with sleep.. Daddy is currently under the whether again so it has been a little extra tiring but i'm doing it.. My pumpkin is home and whatever it takes so be it.. although daddy has to go to doctor appts with me as i can't carry her monitors and oxygen. To me although she is not gaining weight on the scale she is looking like a little chucking butt to us. She is being more active during the day and sleeping pretty good at night. She is being more fiesty when she doesn't want to eat so that's really been the only trying thing. Well that and the monitors. The monitors have gotten worse as they switched them out this past friday as they will do every few weeks. Well since the new monitors, and we dont know if the other one was just defective or not, but her apena monitor/heart rate(brady as the doctors call it) has been going off a whole lot more. And for those who dont know what they sound like, When either one happens, there is a pierecing beep that doesnt stop until she self corrects.. You can hear it outside pretty much. We told Dr. Cope and he said most likely her heart rate drops are being caused by her reflux and that possibly the monitor prior was just defective. Heres to hoping the formula controls her reflux to where she keeps the food down and to where the montior would shut up. :0)
Well until the next doctor appointment and next update. I'm off to sleep for a hour since daddy is sick, mommy is on al lnight feeds..

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Heart update

Pumpkin had her cardiologist appt this past thursday to check up on her pda. We saw Dr. Williams with USC School of Med. etc etc.. According to him, her pda is moderate compared to where it started out but he says that it's still to big to where he thinks it wont close up on its own. He said that it should have had made better progress by now but it doesn't look like it is.   So now we go back to him in 2 weeks and his concern is for her to gain some weight first,. He said that if she could reach 10 pounds then we will go to MUSC and have a catherer procedure there for the pda but if she doesn't reach the 10 pounds then we have to get the actual pda surgery. I'm not quite sure how long he is giving us for her to reach 10 pounds but he is pretty sure that she will need treatement one way or the other. Her weight is going to play a big role on which one we get done.. so now we have to wait until we go back.
This week we are not going to have a happy camper as we have back to back doctors appt mon-wednesday. she is a popular girl this week. we pretty much see all the doctors possible this week pertaining to her so I will have better updates late rint he week.
Thank you to all the moms who reached out to me after my last post and told me how it was ok.  Its hard to feel that i'm not alone  althought i'm not but it was nice to actually hear that it just wastn' me as being a first time mom. It was much needed words so thank you.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Today was a hard day..

I thought for the longest time the next hardest day for me would have been walking out of the hospital with both my girls, but that day wasn't as bad as i thought it was going to be. I think having Alexis's things with me while being wheeled out with Mackenzie in one hand and Alexis' belongings in my lap made things feel a little peaceful/bittersweet. I was leaving the NICU with both of them in my arms in their own special way.
me and my girls.

Alexis last belongings..

But today marked the 3rd month of Alexis's passing. For the past 3 months, i've been having to live this day inside the hospital walls where it all started and ended. I had a scnse of calm walking the halls in the hospital at 5 am. Although sadden, it was just different.
But today I had to experience this day at home officially without Alexis and with just Mackenzie. The reality of it all sank in a little bit deeper. I think of combination of sadness and lack there of sleep made things a little worse as well. Normally on this day it starts witha  trip to the hospital, work, then off to visit and sit with Alexis then back to hospital again. But today didnt start that way, it started with no sleep and me being extremely tired. Trying to get things in order to take a nap only to be waken up by phone calls. I couldn't get it together today. Then finally i got to go and see Alexis. Scott didnt get to go with me as one of us ahd to stay home with Mackenzie so that made thinsg feel alittle different as well. I didnt get my normal long visit as a storm was fast approaching but i think Alexis held off the rain long enough for me to get to sit with her as it started pouring shortly after. It's been getting harder aceepting that she is gone. I found myself trying so hard not to just ball the other days i went to kohls and was looking at baby clothes knowing that i was only buying for one. I feel like the barrier to my saddness wall is slowly cracking and i dont know how to keep it solid. With the holidays coming up, that doesn't make it any easier.  I've got to find a way to get my barrier back because thats what helps me keep going.. I dont want my saddness to take away the joy and happiness of still having Mackenzie in my arms even through all the tiredness.

Being at home as been really super tired. The whole time in the NICU, i thought to myself, when we get home, I got this. i thought i had it because i was with her every single day at the NICU. I was there for feedings, diaper changes, bath time etc. But home it is totally different. I thought i was prepared but boy was i wrong. The first few nights were super super rough. well for me at least because i'm up more. She decided she wanted to stay up all night and sleep all day. Her feedings take longer it seems like and she is having reflux so much moer than waht i was use to in the NICU. The extra spitting up freaked me out the first few nights and the extra cries. I felt like i was doing so much wrong and i didntk now how to make it right. Needless to say, mom had a meltdown last week. But thanks to such a wonderful person and someone who i'm so happy to call my friend, her NICU nurse , Tonya. Tonya, i got to know as Mackenzie was her assignment on the weekends Tonya worked and i'm so glad because I also got a friendship out of her being Mackenzie's nurse. She has been keeping sane or at least trying to. She gave me the best advice so far to help me sleep and that is to keep her swaddled at night and then loose all day. and boy did that work the first night.  And it has it moments where it doesn't work like last night but compared to last week, ill take one bad night compared to 7. And i also have to give loads and loads of love to my other friend Kristina P, as she gave me a boppy before leaving the hospital and that thing has been a true lifesaver. Mackenzie loves her boppy and she spends a lot of tiem in it.. It has semi helped with the reflux but it help when it's 3 am and we dont have to hodl her as long to help prevent soem of her reflux the way we had to do before.

I can count on my hands on how mnay times i ahve left the house. It has been a chanllenge because you just can't pick up Mackenzie and just go. Between her monitors and oxygen tank, packing her up to go somewhere is a workout. We only go to and from doctor appoointments. Next week is going to be a huge chanllege as we ahve 6 doctor appointments all by next thursday. So far we have been going to the pedtrician every week and Dr. Clark, retinia doctor, about every other week. Dr. Cope her peditrician said as of right now, everything looks good but we have to see him once a week. He is concerned that she has not gained any weight so now we also get a dietian/nutrionist added to our list of doctors. Mackenzie now weighs in at 4 lbs 15 ozs.  Doctors appointments and the routine of her getting checked otu are so different then what we are use to. It's been quite a adjustment from the NICU world to the outside world.
Although our first week home has been really challenging, it all goes away when i get to hold her in my arms, in our own bed and just sit and listen to her snore as she sleeps. I'm up for any challenge as long as moments like that never go away. It makes ending such a hard day a little bit easier.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Our Last Day..

Finally getting to blog i wanted to blog also just seperately on our final day in the NICU. Our journey there has been a very long 3 months and some 8 days..
When we got word that we were actually a week away from going on I didnt know whether to freak out or jump for joy. As always the NICU offered nothing but mixed emotions. It has been a long time coming and something Ive been wanting from day one but now that the day was near it was like wow.. My reality was coming true after my NICU reality was what i was use to..
The week prior just seemed to be the longest week ever after all the weeks there but it was just like the final count down with dotting all the i's and crossing all the t's.
We had to meet with monitor people as Mackenzie came home on oxygen taken, apenea monitor and a pulse ox monitor machine.. This little lady ahs more stuff than anyone can imagine for someone so small.
Friday prior came and we had to do our "overnight" stay which meant that we had to take care of her all by ourselves without the assistant of the nurses. we were allowed to ask questions but they weren't allowed to help unless it was a dire emergency. We had to do on our monitors so that we could get use to them as to what to expect to when she came home and needless to say, Scott and I didnt sleep at all. The "bed" was super hard and it was different to hear different monitors compared to what we were use to having.
But we got through it and we passed and we also passed out the next day for a while. :0)
After that, the BIG DAY was finally approching.
I got up monday morning at my normal 4 am time as my one last time getting up having my 4 am routine to the NICU. She got her final foot prick from Ms. Erica (her normal lab monday person) but i left knowingthat this was it. It was time. The next time I walk through the doors, it will be to pack up the rest of our stuff and walking out with my pumpkin in my arms. I really couldn't say goodbye to all the staff as I kept telling mysefl, it's not goodbye its see you later. Goodbye was just to permnant and as we grew a lot of friendships in the NICU i hope they continue outside the NICU. And the emotion of "goodbye" I think was just too much for me as well.
Off i went to pick up Scott and back to hospital we went. The feeling was just too indescrible...they said that it might be before lunch before we got discharged but it was around 2ish before we actually could. Her lab work came back a little abnomoral and the list of doc/appts were all piling up. But whatever it took, we were ready.. We got our stuff packed and just waited. Thank you for our wonderful friend Christie Tull, she was there to capture every moment for us and we can not ever repay the thanks to her for capturing such a priceless moement for us and for something to always cherish.

Going through all our discharge papers...

As all the pictures that were taken melt and capture my heart, besides the one of our first family portrait with Alexis (see post below) the one that really brings tears to my eyes is the one with Dr. Coates. We loved all our doctors but Dr. Coates had a different/special place in our lives. For those reading for the first time or just to recall, Dr. Coates is the one who gave us the most devasting news/phone call. He was the doctor on duty with Alexis and he was the one who had to give us her official time. His signature will always be the one on her death certificate and now his signature will always be the one on Mackenzies last NICU papers.  

Dr. Coates

In two months, this is the man that was a part of ripping my heart out and over time a man that gave me so many milestones with Mackenze and helped mend a piece of my broken heart by being a part of her coming home.  So Dr. Coates and for all those who i hope dont need his skills but if you do, you are a man with such great skill and such a heart. You started off with me as a man I couldn't face to end up being a face I was happy to see over time. Although you were a part of me having so much pain, you were also a part of taking some of it away from me.  I will always have a depth of gratitude for you and for how you put me under your arms even when I knew that wasnt the plan but as I figured out, we cant ever plan anything.  You gave me strength and hope when i thought there was no more. You never sugarcoated to me in fear of my feelings although i could tell when you tiptoed. Two simple words from me to you mean more than you will ever know or i will ever be able to show you. Eric- Thank You.

Stayed tuned as I'm now getting on a better schedule so heres to our new journey and for all those who are on the ride with us now.... (and this post wore me out emotionally. dont know if i have another one in me tonight)..  

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

We are HOME!!!!

Just watned to give a breif update as my phone etc has been blowing up.. We are happy to report that we are finally home. We got to come home on Monday around 3 and it has been a bittersweet whirlwind since.
Mackenzie had to come home on a apena monitor, pulse ox monitor and oxygen. The first night was very rough as I got no sleep at all so being up 24 hours was not cool. Apparently Mackenize did not like the bassinet we got her and failed to tell us that she likes the pack in play better until 5 am that following morning.
We are getting into the swing of things now. Tomorrow we have two doctors appointment which will be our first outing outside of the house. It's been all of bittersweet emotions but we are finally home.. Stay tuned as once i get suiated i will update a lot better.

Our very first stop. Our first family portrait outside of NICU. We love you Alexis.. You are forever in our hearts.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Our Angel Our Saint..

Although our precious Alexis is not here with us on earth she is truly watching over us and she is letting us know that in so many ways.
A month ago our church, Mt. Hebron UMC sent us a letter stating that they were going to have a All Saints Sunday. It will be where they will be honoring all the angels who got their wings this year and told us they would like to honor Alexis and if we could write a breif summary and just a few pictures. We sent it in and it just slipped my mind until now as the whole every other sunday due to Scott's schedules has got me all messed up.
Well this Sunday, Nov 6, will be the All Saints Sunday service where each angel will be getting a candle and there will be a little video of all of them. Please feel free to join us at the 11:15am service as we will be honoring our little girl. Mt. Hebron United Methodist Chruch- 3050 Leaphart Road., West Columbia.

But to even make it more special and touching and i know Alexis is nudgeing me.. but duh, sunday starts the new week right, well also Monday marks the day we get to take Mackenzie home. Yep that's right, Monday is the big day. So we get to honor our Alexis in a special service on Sunday the day right before we get to bring Mackenzie home. I have been scared all week not so much with brining Mackenzie home but more so in just starting a new routine with her because i'm so use to the NICU routine, but we are going to be ok. Alexis is going to guide us in the direction we need to go and we are going to be ok.

As our final days are winding down in our NICU world, we just have a few more things to do. Today Scott and I get our training on teh apnea monitor and on the oxygen tank. She will have to come home on both for a while. We have to do our overnight stay and make sure we can take care of her on our own. And as long as all that goes well we will get dishcared on monday before lunch time they say. We already have 2 doc appts set up on thursday and a series of other appointments that we will know once we get our discharge papers. Its hard to believe in 3 days, we will finally have our baby home..Mackenzie is currently weighing in at 4lbs 10 ozs. We are excited to say that her ROP went down to a stage 1 in her right eye and it is still gone in her left eye. She is now up to 48ccs of feed.They had to up her dosage as she is having to come off the extra calories as it's something we can't take home with us but she will also still remain on the rice ceral.

And again, we will not be having any vistors over for a little bit as we need our time to bond and also we are not taking any chances of anyone being sick and allowing her to catch anything. We know everyone wants to see and meet her but in due time... Our focus is her health and care and that is our number one priority.  

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

3 months and 3 days and all of bittersweet emotions..

It's been 3 months and 3 days since I got rolled into the doors at Baptist Hopsital and that is where I have spent every single day of every single hour that I have been able to. It's been my home, my safe haven, my security and now after 3 months and 3 days,  we finally get the official word that we are GOING TO GO HOME next week. Last night Dr. Bendeck came in and asked if we would felt comfortable enough to go home with Mackenzie on oxygen and I dont think I could say yes fast enough. Once he kind of broke that down for us he said that he was going to get the process started. He said that it would probably be early next week that we can finally go home.. 
So the process: Mackenzie will come home on oxygen and a monitor so Scott and I have to get trained on that. They have to get all her other doctors lined up and all the paperwork on that ready. She will have to get her RSV shot and we also gotta get setup to get that done everymonth, Scott and I have to stay there overnight to make sure we are capable of everything on our own.. Umm.. I think that about sums up the "process"..
Mackenzie is now at 4lbs 6.6 ozs. She is on 8 bottles at 40cc's so this will be interesteing when she comes home as she eats every 3 hours and Scott and I haven't done her 3 am or 12 am feedings ever.. She is taking hre bottles like a true champ. She is so her daddy's child. She had a hearing test yesterday and they say she passed that. Her eye exams are still once a week but cant' remember what i posted in last entry, but either way, her left eye is completely gone of ROP and her right eye is still at a stage 2 but they see more postive development so they really feel like now that she will not need treatment.. wahoo.. We will keep going to see Dr. Clark until they say we dont need to see him anymore. :0) She made it to the crib this past friday and she has been maintaing her body temp really well. We even got to put her in a bouncy seat as she has reflux really bad but it kind of stinks becuase the only place to put the seat is on the floor and there is a draft fromt eh windows so she starts to get cold down there so we try not to leave her too long. She is also on rice ceral to hopefully help with the reflux and to keep more of her food down. But really, she is half asian and she needed her rice at some point. :0)
We still can not get over that our girls turned 3 months old this past sunday.. It doesn't feel like but then again it does. When we leave the hospital, my car will probably still steer towards the hospital for a bit. I mean ive been there every single day for over 3 months and really and truly haven't gone anywhere else. As excited as i am to leave it i'm also sad. like i knew this day would come but now that's its here, it's hard to believe. It will be the start to our new beginning but also without our precious Alexis. We know she will still be with us but we walked through those NICU doors with both of them and physically we are only walking about with Mackenzie but in spirt and in our hearts we will be walking out with both of them. We have left Alexis's box of belongs still at the hospital and I plan to carry that out as we are also carrying out Mackenzie. She will be with us, just in a different way.
We are leaving so many friends that we have made along the way but we know that although we are leaving the NICU our friendships will remain the same. It will just be in a different setting now.
Scott and I really dont have the house prepare as much as we like but we are now down to crunch time. We did get her bassinet put up last night and I've accepted the fact that I wont have her "nursery" really done but i had to let go of that becuase as of righ tnow anyways, she wont really get to stay in it as she will now be in our room for a good bit so i still have time. We are buying piece by piece as we go.. Baby stuff is outrageous but worth all the cutenss and neccessatie. Scott and I realized last night that this will be our last weekend without a child in so I am going to finally give him date night and go to the movies and dinner.  Kind of sucks though that i have to learn all new stuff though. I was loving the milk warmer at the hosptial. Too bad i couldn't bring that thing home. :0)  At some point i will have to look into bottle again but right now I hope to  keep going on the ones she is using now. Its almost time for us to truly be mommy and daddy and this is one ride i'm ready to hop on and never get off.

But hang on to your stinking cute radar as these pictures are about to blow off the charts. (we got to play dress up for halloween)

She got to be daddys little Duke Blue Devil Cheerleader on Sunday

And of course our little pumpkin on Halloween..

VISITING ONCE WE ARE HOME: Please please know ahead of time.. SCOTT AND I WILL NOT BE ALLOWING ANY VISTORS FOR THE FIRST FEW WEEKS. She is still in a fragile state when she comes home and it being flu and rsv season we do not want any more germs in the house on what we cannot control. Please bear with us as in time everyone will get to meet her but we also need the time to adjust and get her adjusted and as strong as she can be and ready for all the people who are going to love her so very much. It's not that we dont want to see anyone but her health is and will always be our top priority.  Thanks for understanding.