I'm so sorry to all my readers for being so delayed on the updates, i guess it's a little different these days on changes as right now we just wait and watch her grow.. The doctors dont change much right now compared to giving her a few days to process the changes they do make. And currently during the week since i'm back at work, the 4-5 hours of sleep i get each night allows me to to see her before work, work, then see her right after work until it's time for me to get home and get prepared to do it all over again the next day....
I love sundays because although I talk to Alexis on a daily basis and I know she is always with me, it's just a different feeling actually going and visiting her grave and talking to her there and taking her flowers and what not. Being in church where we gave her a celebration farewell although it sadden my heart, I always can feel her sitting right next to me in the pew. I have always been a person of signs but I've never been a person of believing signs after death. But I have to say that I'm eating my own words and my own beliefs. Some sundays the presense of Alexis are strongers and others not so much. But needless to say, today was a strong day. When i get out of the car, immediately i start talking to her and say hello and tell her how we have to go and listen to Pastor Hayes and afterwards we can't wait to come and see her.. Scott and I always sit in the same spot in church and we are nomrally there early. So out of all the pews in the church, it's kind of strange that of course beside us, a set of TWIN boys always manage to make their way to sit next to us. I know my church knows about us, but not everyone has actually met us so I'm not quite sure if they realize we are "that" couple ya know. My second sign which I know i've blogged about this before but it's just the craziest thing, and that's the breeze. Today we put up a flag at Alexis' s grave that said "thank heaven for little girls", we have the same exact flag at our house now as well for both girls. Well there are a few other flags out at the sites as well, but yet Alexis's was the only one that was blowing like crazy. Her's was the only one that seemed to be affected by the wind and it just kept blowing the entire time until we said goodbye. I love all the signs Alexis gives me and I hope they never ever ever go away..
Not only does Alexis give me signs on Sunday's to let me know she is there for me, but she always gives me signs with Mackenize to let me know she is with Mackenzie. Today they reduced Mackenzie oxygen flow to 1.5 and she had been on room air with pretty much all day. They also changed her feeds tonight to where she will get feed 32 cc's for two hours and then take a hour break. Before today she was on 11ccs per hour for 6 hours and then got a 2 hour break. They are transitiong her to hopefully start bottle feeds and be able to maintain a good bit of milk at one time.. We were hoping we would have reached the 3lb mark before the weekend was out, but we maintained 2lbs and 13 ozs the past few days but we will take it because as long as she isn't losing that's all that matters. But we are pleased to announce that she gained another inch though in length. Mackenzie is now 15 `1/4 inch long.. She is so going to be her daddy's little mini me. For those who haven't met us in person yet, i'm only 4'11 1/2 and Scott is 6'1.. :0) Tomorrow she gets another eye exam to see where we are at now with ROP, so crossing my fingers and toes for good results and also hoping it's a good day for her overall as the eye exams are not fun..
Today was not only "measurement" day for Mackenzie, but today I also had my very first true mommy skill test.. It's been 8 weeks and 1 day since my diva's came into this world and although I know i gave birth and I'v been with them everyday since, it's been more the motion of being a mommy but today i truly got to be a mommy. Today was the first day we got to hear Mackenzie actually cry cry.. She has had her little sound cries, but today she cried. Its apparent that we know she isn't going to like diaper changes but I will take that. She can cry for as long as she wants to wheenver she wants to.. After her diaper change, i got to kangaroo her, well she was still a little unhappy for getting messed with so she cried while I was holding her. The nurse handed me her pacifier, and I gave it to her and held it for her and just rocked away. She layed cradled in my arms and was just as content as she could be. She just looked up at me and was just as peaceful as she could be. After 8 long weeks, i finally had the chance to be able to soothe my baby girl as her mommy and not with meds and not with tubes and not with her bedding, but it was just me and her and the rocking chair skin to skin.. I look forward to many more priceless moments like today even if it's in the middle of the night, sleep or no sleep...
No comments:
Post a Comment