First and foremost my little pumpkin amazes me every second i'm with her.. She is Spoiled sooo with a Captial S.. But like Dr. Yajick says though "if your child has to be in the NICU, then they deserve to be spoiled." Oh how right she is. Mackenzie has now decided that she does not like to hold her own paci. She likes for mommy to hold it for her in her mouth regardless if mommy is holding her or not.. I hve to rig certain ways for her paci to stay in her mouth as she has learned that mommy will get up everytime she spits it out and if mommy doesn't get up in time, then she decides she wants to cry.. but yet anyone else, she decides to be nice to them.. spoiled i say..
She is currently weighing in at 3 lbs 14 ozs.. She is looking a little puffy again so hopefully that's not all fluid again but i see 4 pounds here real soon and i think if we can make it over 4 lbs and they still release some of her fluids then she will still be at at least 4lbs.. So maybe we get to try the "crib" real soon. Her eye exame still showed the same results.. we are still at a stand still. But it hasn't gotten worse so that's a good thing. So we are still down to weekly exams. They have upped her feeds to 34ccs and she also gets to try 2 bottles a day now. 2 down, only 6 more to attempt. (remember 8 bottles a day is just another step closer to going home)
My husband amazes me as he takes majority the grunt of all my ups and downs. And i know everyone is going to say "well yeah he should because he is my husband".. but he takes it with such patiences. Well like 98.9% of the time. I know it has to just be as hard on him as well as he is riding this ride with me as well so i try not to put a lot on him as we both need each other in all of this ya know and it's not fair to him to take the load for everything. I just think the tempoary me he is still trying to adjust to compare to the "old me".
Our friends and community amazes me by how much support and love they have shown to us over the past 3 months.. It has been quite humbling,overwhelming and comforting all at the same time. I've always known that we have been loved by so many but I never imagined the magnatitude of love/support that we have gotten.
My body has amazes me as one of my friends put it "i'm on auto pilot". Although i know i can admit to how tired i am and the fact i'm not eating the way i should be, i have yet to hit a brick wall. knock on wood. But im working on it. I have actually came home early the past two nights from the hospital and I actually had my first night home alone as scott started back on night shift. So far i did good but i think i was just to the point i was past exhausted, i just pumped and went to sleep. Hopefully I wont have to be home and have a lot of time just to myself. I dont know if i'm ready for that yet but next week will be a trial as it's scotts long week.
And through all of these postive things that amaze me, i would have never thought such petty drama would amaze me. Long story short, nurse manger had to come talk to scott and i and pretty much in a nutshell, some nurses are feeling inadquated/uncomfortable because I compare how nurses do things. I mean really. We have total between night and day shift about 15 nurses that Mackenzie goes through so that is 15 different ways of people doing things and showing me different way so when everyone does something different I can't help but compared as all of this is such a learning experience for me as well. I know my child because i spend so much time with her so I can't help but know how she is going to react to certain nurses one way and certain nurses another way so its still a little hard to say that she is going to do one specific thing every single time for every single nurse. So it's like if you dont like the answer then you shouldn't ask right? But whatever. And even the sadder part, this isn't the first time as we have had such petty issue not even a month ago.. Only a few more weeks i'm just going to keep telling myself..
I'm hoping my "relevations" over the past day sticks with me as yall know from my last post I wasnt' doing to well. My dear sweet Donna A, posted something on my fb wall and its has stuck to me today.. "you never know how strong you are until strong is the only choice that you have."