Monday, November 14, 2011

Our Last Day..

Finally getting to blog i wanted to blog also just seperately on our final day in the NICU. Our journey there has been a very long 3 months and some 8 days..
When we got word that we were actually a week away from going on I didnt know whether to freak out or jump for joy. As always the NICU offered nothing but mixed emotions. It has been a long time coming and something Ive been wanting from day one but now that the day was near it was like wow.. My reality was coming true after my NICU reality was what i was use to..
The week prior just seemed to be the longest week ever after all the weeks there but it was just like the final count down with dotting all the i's and crossing all the t's.
We had to meet with monitor people as Mackenzie came home on oxygen taken, apenea monitor and a pulse ox monitor machine.. This little lady ahs more stuff than anyone can imagine for someone so small.
Friday prior came and we had to do our "overnight" stay which meant that we had to take care of her all by ourselves without the assistant of the nurses. we were allowed to ask questions but they weren't allowed to help unless it was a dire emergency. We had to do on our monitors so that we could get use to them as to what to expect to when she came home and needless to say, Scott and I didnt sleep at all. The "bed" was super hard and it was different to hear different monitors compared to what we were use to having.
But we got through it and we passed and we also passed out the next day for a while. :0)
After that, the BIG DAY was finally approching.
I got up monday morning at my normal 4 am time as my one last time getting up having my 4 am routine to the NICU. She got her final foot prick from Ms. Erica (her normal lab monday person) but i left knowingthat this was it. It was time. The next time I walk through the doors, it will be to pack up the rest of our stuff and walking out with my pumpkin in my arms. I really couldn't say goodbye to all the staff as I kept telling mysefl, it's not goodbye its see you later. Goodbye was just to permnant and as we grew a lot of friendships in the NICU i hope they continue outside the NICU. And the emotion of "goodbye" I think was just too much for me as well.
Off i went to pick up Scott and back to hospital we went. The feeling was just too indescrible...they said that it might be before lunch before we got discharged but it was around 2ish before we actually could. Her lab work came back a little abnomoral and the list of doc/appts were all piling up. But whatever it took, we were ready.. We got our stuff packed and just waited. Thank you for our wonderful friend Christie Tull, she was there to capture every moment for us and we can not ever repay the thanks to her for capturing such a priceless moement for us and for something to always cherish.

Going through all our discharge papers...

As all the pictures that were taken melt and capture my heart, besides the one of our first family portrait with Alexis (see post below) the one that really brings tears to my eyes is the one with Dr. Coates. We loved all our doctors but Dr. Coates had a different/special place in our lives. For those reading for the first time or just to recall, Dr. Coates is the one who gave us the most devasting news/phone call. He was the doctor on duty with Alexis and he was the one who had to give us her official time. His signature will always be the one on her death certificate and now his signature will always be the one on Mackenzies last NICU papers.  

Dr. Coates

In two months, this is the man that was a part of ripping my heart out and over time a man that gave me so many milestones with Mackenze and helped mend a piece of my broken heart by being a part of her coming home.  So Dr. Coates and for all those who i hope dont need his skills but if you do, you are a man with such great skill and such a heart. You started off with me as a man I couldn't face to end up being a face I was happy to see over time. Although you were a part of me having so much pain, you were also a part of taking some of it away from me.  I will always have a depth of gratitude for you and for how you put me under your arms even when I knew that wasnt the plan but as I figured out, we cant ever plan anything.  You gave me strength and hope when i thought there was no more. You never sugarcoated to me in fear of my feelings although i could tell when you tiptoed. Two simple words from me to you mean more than you will ever know or i will ever be able to show you. Eric- Thank You.

Stayed tuned as I'm now getting on a better schedule so heres to our new journey and for all those who are on the ride with us now.... (and this post wore me out emotionally. dont know if i have another one in me tonight)..  

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