2012 = Change

It's hard to believe that its now a new year and that my girls also turned 5 months old. It's been 5 months since Scott and I world has changed forever. Sorry for such delays but the holidays really got me down and I just felt like i wanted to isolate myself. I put on a brave face and smile where I had to but i'm glad to see the holidays gone for now.
New Years came and went. I actually passed out before 12 and Scott rang in the new year feeding pumpkin. I dont really have any medical updates yet on pumpkin as we haven't had that many doctors appts recently. She sees the Dr. Cope tomorrow so I can't wait to see what her weight is up to. She has got to be close to almost 7 pounds. We are still waiting to hear from the eye doctor. Come to find out, it's not a doctor in Philly, the doctor is actually out of Columbus, Ohio. HIs name is Dr. Shiels with Children Radiology Insitute. So now it looks like Ohio will be our traveling site here in the future. We are waiting for hopefully our phone conference from him but so far nothing. Has anyone ever had any experience with the Ronald McDonald house?  When speaking to the one of the systems to get registered as a patient with this doc, she said that if need be we can get set up room and board at the Ronald McDonald house with no charge which will be huge help but then if there are other sick kids there, i dont want to take that chance ya know.  Ohio will be something we will have to drive as flying is going to cost to much if we have to make multiple trips and i dont think iwill be able to pack the whole house as easily.
Pumpkin overall is doing amazing. She is such a daddy's girl. I love it and am jealous all at the same time. She only looks up and around at Scott. When he walks into the room, she could be sound asleep, but hears his voice and she wakes up and starts looking at/for him. And he is so darn cute as you can see when she does that, it totally melts his heart.   Scott went back to work Monday night and boy was that hard. Pumpkin did not want to sleep as i think now we are experience gas effects so needless to say I got only 2 hours of sleep. But if that little stinker didnt' sleep all day for the nanny. Last night we got about 4 hours or so worth of sleep. She didnt get to see daddy but for about 5 mins as this week he is on nights and its' his long week so i'm sure she will be excited to spend the day with daddy  tomorrow as he is off.

2012 is going to bring some change for me. And with 4 days in, i think i'm doing ok so far. I haven't cried yet. Past few months I have just been in a funk/pity party and yeah i know i had within reason of being so but I need to move on. Regardless of how bad i have it or what not, there is always someone with it worse and I need to focus on all the good I have right now. As truly all my good are true blessings from Alexis. I miss her with all my heart and a huge part of me is missing and always will be but I can't keep dwelling on all my sadness. I need to refocus all my sadness on something else and turn it into something postive. If i keep dwelling on my sadness I know at some point, it's going to take away from Mackenzie and I can't do that. Alexis passed all her strength on to Mackenzie and continues to do so and for that I need to do so as I know that is what Alexis wants. Alexis in her short life had purpose and although she is not phycially here, her purpose is with us every day.
So wish me luck because here goes..