Today marks the 8th month annivesary to when our sweet Alexis got her angel wings. It doesn't seem like it's getting any easier for me as each annivesary comes near or passes. Its always such a heavy/bittersweet heart for me because I look at Mackenzie and see all the things that should have been and all the things that have been possible. I miss my little girl every second of every single day..
For me a lot has changed in 8 months and 17 days.. Not only physically with pumpkin but just everything all around and then there are some things that still haven't changed.
Not Changed: My saddness, the clothes that scott and i wore the day we got the heartbreaking news- they still sit in the corner of scotts room untouched. I haven't found the heart to touch them yet or to pack them away. I'm still not able to face large amounts of crowd where the focus is on us but you guys would be proud to know that i made baby steps. I did end up going to the poker run but i kind of hid behind the scenes.I wasn't able to go up in front of everybody with scott or mackenzie when it was time, needless to say i stood in where no one saw me with a dear friend and cried.. it's just still so hard to swallow everyones love,kindness, generosity and the still "i'm so sorry" look you get from everyone.
Changed: Pumpkin is eating rice ceral from a spoon, she is able to hold her own bottle and she now reaches out for it. She is beginning to sit up now with a little bit of assistance from her boppy or whatever is near.. She is just as jumpy as she can be. She fits a little bit better now in the excersaucer and is actually playing with things on it. She is smiling much more, she is so much more alert to her name and things going on around her..
All in all, Pumpkin has been a true blessing with prayers being answered each day. She is our true miracle baby and I coudln't imagine life without her... check out what really touched me today. (see below)