JUNE 2- FROM 9-2, Estate Sale- We will be having Scott's dad estate sale. Location: 1651 Joiner Road, Columbia, SC (its right off leesburg road for all my local people) Pleae come out and spread the word as we have a entire house full of stuff that needs to be gone.
JUNE 3- 11:15 am , Pumpkin is going to be dedicated at our church. It's similar to a baptism but not fully. That will be at a later date. We are excited and hope everyone can join us. Its just a quick 5-10 min thing but our pastor is retiring and we wanted to do it with him before he left. It will be at Mt. Hebron UMC off of leaphart road.
JUNE 11- we finally have MRI's schedule. yaay.. We saw Dr.Cheeseman last thursday and he said everything is still looking great and since we have been on the medicine now for 2 months its time. I'm excited and nervous all at the same time because they are going to have to sedate her which always makes me nervous but i'm excited to see if the turmor is gone. After these results as long as there is no tumor she will get to come off the apena monitor finally and come off the meds as well.. yaay..
Pumpkin is currently weighing in at 13 lbs 5 oz. She is suffering her very first minor ear infection due to teething. Dr. Cope said due to the drainage/congestion it caused the earache.. :0( So 10 days of antibotics will hoepfully do the trick and that stinking tooth will come in. :0)
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Monday, May 21, 2012
R.I.P.
hello friends. I know i said i would get caught uptodate on all the latest news with pumpkin but as usual, Scott and I can't catch a break. Although we thought all was going very well with Scott's dad, he unfortunatly passed on May 12, 2012 at 6:10 am. Scott got a call at around 230-3 am saying his dad was being transported to the hospital from the rehab facility because he started vomiting and that his heart rate dropped and blood pressure went up (or vice versus) either way it wasn't good. Scott went to the hospital, and apparently his father had stopped breathing in the ambulance so they had to intabate again while in ambulance. Finally after about 2 hours scott finally got to go back and they said the cancer has spreaded to his brain and he had apparently caught phenmoina again. Due to Mr. Barber having a living will stating he did not want to be on a ventilator if it was the end, they had to respect his wishes and shortly after taking him off, he went home and got to go and see our sweet Alexis. Its a very bittersweet time for us because Mr.Barber never go to hold the girls and now he will get to hold our sweet angel above for eternity. And now Alexis will get to know the grandfather she never got to know.
And thank you everyone for the "1st mother's day" comments/messages but with scott's dad passing the day before and with all that has gone on. I didnt get a mothers' day.. Yeah it sucked but totally understandable.. I just wish all my "first" moments would stop getting taken away or just turn into something else. I just wish i could just have my "first". But scott knows as well and i told him there is nothing that will ever be able to compare tot he angel necklace that he got me for valetines days. i dont think another gift will ever be able to top that and the importance of my necklace. But me and pumpkin and scott got to lay in bed all afternoon and that was good enough as it was just us and the peace of home for a little bit.
In short i will try to get up to date soon but it will be here and there again as there are some legal issues now that we have to take care of that i do not wish to elaborate on right now but pumpkin is up to 13 pounds, we started babyfood, we go to eye doc on thursday and hopefully a mri here soon to confirm if tumor is gone or not. Overall she is doing great and can't wait to get some more pictures posted soon. Till then...
And thank you everyone for the "1st mother's day" comments/messages but with scott's dad passing the day before and with all that has gone on. I didnt get a mothers' day.. Yeah it sucked but totally understandable.. I just wish all my "first" moments would stop getting taken away or just turn into something else. I just wish i could just have my "first". But scott knows as well and i told him there is nothing that will ever be able to compare tot he angel necklace that he got me for valetines days. i dont think another gift will ever be able to top that and the importance of my necklace. But me and pumpkin and scott got to lay in bed all afternoon and that was good enough as it was just us and the peace of home for a little bit.
In short i will try to get up to date soon but it will be here and there again as there are some legal issues now that we have to take care of that i do not wish to elaborate on right now but pumpkin is up to 13 pounds, we started babyfood, we go to eye doc on thursday and hopefully a mri here soon to confirm if tumor is gone or not. Overall she is doing great and can't wait to get some more pictures posted soon. Till then...
Monday, May 7, 2012
Finally.. some new post to come..
hey everyone.. sorry it's been the longest delay ever since my last post.. so much has been going on and to not comply it all into one post, i'm gonna do several over the next day or two so please stay tuned.. But this post will just be a update with regards to scott's dad as a lot of people have prayed for him and for everyone involved.. This is mainly also why I havne't been able to blog much.
Oh where do i ever begin.
Scott has been super super busy at work and then when he is not at work he has been with visiting his dad and trying to handle his dad's affairs which is like a whole nother job in itself. so it's just been me and pumpkin for the past few weeks and boy has that been exhausting.. And poor Scott, he is such my rock and forever my best friend as i know things have been stressful on him and i've been truly exhausted with everything and everyone knows i dont do well with stress and exhaustion so needless to say, scott got the short end of the stick with me.. I love that man so much for putting up with my craziness and still loving me for it. But now we have a better plan and things are beginning to not be so stressed and exhausted on both our ends.
But back to his dad. I swear, i've never seen a hospital jerk you around so much compared to the one his dad WAS at. Scott got back to back phone calls to where one day, it was looking like things were getting worse, then the next day, he was moved out of icu and into a "regular room". One we were called in to talk about hospice care to now his dad being in rehab. They told us that he wasn't going to move out of icu, the only move that would have been done was to move him to the hospice tower when the family gave the noticed but then the next morning scott got the called that he got sent to rehab.
A few weeks backs, his dad did end up with low blood pressure, and a fever so they took him back to a lower level icu. They went in and did a "clean up" of his throat area to try to get more of the secretions that were building up in his throat from not being able to swallow and all. They also put in a feeding tube which all that was success. After the "clean up" he appeared to be talking a lot better to where you could understand him a lot better. But not long after that is when the social worker and the hospital lady (they have a name but totally forgot what it is, but she was like a representive for the hosptial) well they wanted to schedule a meeting iwth us and that is when they told us that we have two options . 1) try to get him better to where a rehab facility would take him or (keep in mind, he had to be suction out every 2 hours due to the build up of the secretations- but because they had to do that, no rehab facility would take him) or 2) go ahead and move him to hospice, which would be pretty much everything they were doing in the hospital.
So they gave us a few days to think on it and we thought it was all a better idea to go to hospice as we didnt know how long it would be to get him to rehab and with hospice room.,we could make it more homey for him and Ryan (his youngest son) could visit because where he was, no kids under 14 allowed. So that was on a thursday or friday i believe.
so jump to the following tuesday, scott gets a message as he was handling somethign else and couldn't get answer the phone, "oh yeah,your dad is being moved to a rehab facility".. we were like what? huh? you guys were just telling us we to look into hospice and all.
So long story short, Mr. Barber has been in a rehab facility now since last thursday. He is doing really well. He can talk more to where you can understand him. He still is unable to have a lot of movement in his left side but he will be doing physical therepy 5 days a week. He finally got to sit in a chair also last week. He has lost 60 pounds but i guess that's to be expected consideirng he hasnt eaten in a month. Overall things are beginning to look up with regards to the stroke but still with regards to the cancer, they are still not giving him long. The way it was described to us is that pretty much its his entire right side lung, it's moved to parts of his left and it has also moved to the throat area. But his dad has proven to be a fighter and he is kicking the strokes butt right now and hopefully that will get him to where he can come home for a little bit and we just do what we can to cherish and enjoy whatever days we have left with him..
Oh where do i ever begin.
Scott has been super super busy at work and then when he is not at work he has been with visiting his dad and trying to handle his dad's affairs which is like a whole nother job in itself. so it's just been me and pumpkin for the past few weeks and boy has that been exhausting.. And poor Scott, he is such my rock and forever my best friend as i know things have been stressful on him and i've been truly exhausted with everything and everyone knows i dont do well with stress and exhaustion so needless to say, scott got the short end of the stick with me.. I love that man so much for putting up with my craziness and still loving me for it. But now we have a better plan and things are beginning to not be so stressed and exhausted on both our ends.
But back to his dad. I swear, i've never seen a hospital jerk you around so much compared to the one his dad WAS at. Scott got back to back phone calls to where one day, it was looking like things were getting worse, then the next day, he was moved out of icu and into a "regular room". One we were called in to talk about hospice care to now his dad being in rehab. They told us that he wasn't going to move out of icu, the only move that would have been done was to move him to the hospice tower when the family gave the noticed but then the next morning scott got the called that he got sent to rehab.
A few weeks backs, his dad did end up with low blood pressure, and a fever so they took him back to a lower level icu. They went in and did a "clean up" of his throat area to try to get more of the secretions that were building up in his throat from not being able to swallow and all. They also put in a feeding tube which all that was success. After the "clean up" he appeared to be talking a lot better to where you could understand him a lot better. But not long after that is when the social worker and the hospital lady (they have a name but totally forgot what it is, but she was like a representive for the hosptial) well they wanted to schedule a meeting iwth us and that is when they told us that we have two options . 1) try to get him better to where a rehab facility would take him or (keep in mind, he had to be suction out every 2 hours due to the build up of the secretations- but because they had to do that, no rehab facility would take him) or 2) go ahead and move him to hospice, which would be pretty much everything they were doing in the hospital.
So they gave us a few days to think on it and we thought it was all a better idea to go to hospice as we didnt know how long it would be to get him to rehab and with hospice room.,we could make it more homey for him and Ryan (his youngest son) could visit because where he was, no kids under 14 allowed. So that was on a thursday or friday i believe.
so jump to the following tuesday, scott gets a message as he was handling somethign else and couldn't get answer the phone, "oh yeah,your dad is being moved to a rehab facility".. we were like what? huh? you guys were just telling us we to look into hospice and all.
So long story short, Mr. Barber has been in a rehab facility now since last thursday. He is doing really well. He can talk more to where you can understand him. He still is unable to have a lot of movement in his left side but he will be doing physical therepy 5 days a week. He finally got to sit in a chair also last week. He has lost 60 pounds but i guess that's to be expected consideirng he hasnt eaten in a month. Overall things are beginning to look up with regards to the stroke but still with regards to the cancer, they are still not giving him long. The way it was described to us is that pretty much its his entire right side lung, it's moved to parts of his left and it has also moved to the throat area. But his dad has proven to be a fighter and he is kicking the strokes butt right now and hopefully that will get him to where he can come home for a little bit and we just do what we can to cherish and enjoy whatever days we have left with him..
Monday, April 16, 2012
8 Months and 17 Days with a few changes.
Today marks the 8th month annivesary to when our sweet Alexis got her angel wings. It doesn't seem like it's getting any easier for me as each annivesary comes near or passes. Its always such a heavy/bittersweet heart for me because I look at Mackenzie and see all the things that should have been and all the things that have been possible. I miss my little girl every second of every single day..
For me a lot has changed in 8 months and 17 days.. Not only physically with pumpkin but just everything all around and then there are some things that still haven't changed.
Not Changed: My saddness, the clothes that scott and i wore the day we got the heartbreaking news- they still sit in the corner of scotts room untouched. I haven't found the heart to touch them yet or to pack them away. I'm still not able to face large amounts of crowd where the focus is on us but you guys would be proud to know that i made baby steps. I did end up going to the poker run but i kind of hid behind the scenes.I wasn't able to go up in front of everybody with scott or mackenzie when it was time, needless to say i stood in where no one saw me with a dear friend and cried.. it's just still so hard to swallow everyones love,kindness, generosity and the still "i'm so sorry" look you get from everyone.
Changed: Pumpkin is eating rice ceral from a spoon, she is able to hold her own bottle and she now reaches out for it. She is beginning to sit up now with a little bit of assistance from her boppy or whatever is near.. She is just as jumpy as she can be. She fits a little bit better now in the excersaucer and is actually playing with things on it. She is smiling much more, she is so much more alert to her name and things going on around her..
All in all, Pumpkin has been a true blessing with prayers being answered each day. She is our true miracle baby and I coudln't imagine life without her... check out what really touched me today. (see below)
For me a lot has changed in 8 months and 17 days.. Not only physically with pumpkin but just everything all around and then there are some things that still haven't changed.
Not Changed: My saddness, the clothes that scott and i wore the day we got the heartbreaking news- they still sit in the corner of scotts room untouched. I haven't found the heart to touch them yet or to pack them away. I'm still not able to face large amounts of crowd where the focus is on us but you guys would be proud to know that i made baby steps. I did end up going to the poker run but i kind of hid behind the scenes.I wasn't able to go up in front of everybody with scott or mackenzie when it was time, needless to say i stood in where no one saw me with a dear friend and cried.. it's just still so hard to swallow everyones love,kindness, generosity and the still "i'm so sorry" look you get from everyone.
Changed: Pumpkin is eating rice ceral from a spoon, she is able to hold her own bottle and she now reaches out for it. She is beginning to sit up now with a little bit of assistance from her boppy or whatever is near.. She is just as jumpy as she can be. She fits a little bit better now in the excersaucer and is actually playing with things on it. She is smiling much more, she is so much more alert to her name and things going on around her..
All in all, Pumpkin has been a true blessing with prayers being answered each day. She is our true miracle baby and I coudln't imagine life without her... check out what really touched me today. (see below)
Monday, April 9, 2012
Happy Easter with Updates..
We had our first easter and boy has it been a busy one. But we are very happy to report that we actually got to go to church for the very first time with Mackenzie and it was quite special with it being easter and all. She did so good. She slept for the most part but then she just wanted to look around. Church was quite crowded as to be expected for easter. Pastor Hayes always puts on a good sermon and we have truly missed him and was very happy to see him. We look forward to many more church services to come now that pumpkin is allowed to go. Scott picked us all out easter baskets on his own which i'm so proud of him and he did a very good job. He got Mackenzie a fashion diva basket, with her very first little barbie doll to play with, he got alexis a princess one with a barbie doll as well and he got me a princess one with a wand and all.. ( you are never to grown to get a easter basket)..
daddy and pumpkin at our first church service
us girls and our easter basket..
Pumpkin had a eye appointment with Dr. Cheeseman as well last week. He is still very pleased with the way her eye is looking. We are looking to do a mri towards the end of next month to officially see if the tumor is gone or not. He said currently she may look a little cross-eyed but it's because the bone in her nose has yet to fully develope so just give it some time. It is hard to say if she will be cross-eyed or not.
We are now up to 2 servings of rice ceral a day which is quite exciting. She is doing really well with it. We will progress as each week goes until we go back and see dr. Cope next month for her 9 month check up.. wow. can you believe 9 months.
Overall she is doing really well. Pumpkin is a little over 11 pounds and she is slowly growing now but stil growing and that's all that matters. Her teething is getting a little worse but that's ok as i know that means her teeth are coming in which is still so hard to believe.
But i'm telling you, scott and i dont hold our breathes for long lived good news right now.. I not only say we had a busy weekend due to that it was a holiday weekend but we got word on friday that Scott's dad went into full cardiac arrest on friday. He collapsed at church and thank the lord there were two women there who knew cpr as they adminster cpr until the ambulance arrived and that is the main cause as to him still being a live. (cpr) His heart did stop and they had to shock in the ambulance from what we were told. Right now we are not getting much of any news. He is currently still in icu at providence hospital. He is intabated and sedated but stable right now. They keep running a bunch of test but still nothing. They have told us they think he had a stroke and heart attack but not quite sure which one came first. The only good news we can report right now is that they did a cat scan to look for brain bleed and that came back negative. To add to the rest of this bad news, we just found out that he possibly has lung cancer and went for the biopsy this past wednesday. I will continue to keep everyone updated as we are updated but right now we are still at square one with it all.
Scott is hanging in there to the best of his ablity but you can tell by the looks in his face it's really really hard on him. He's quickly mentioned that it's hard because all the mointors remind him of the nicu as it's all the same noise. I have not been able to go back because pumpkin is not allowed in the icu but i really dont think i can handle it as the hospital he is at is not to far from where we were at so it's the same route for us ya know. So me and pumpkin hold down the fort for scott and try to stay strong for him. So please keep scott's dad, Don Barber in your prayers.
Some fun stuff coming up that i would love for you guys to be a part of if anything is the following:
As much to my objection and Brad White and BIMC family, i love you guys, but it's still hard for me to deal with such large crowds that's going to put focus on us... I wanted to at least share this for them as they have done so much work and have done it with such love. We can't thank you guys enough and are truly truly blessed to have such friends who care, support and love us so much.
Just in case for you guys who dont know or are new to the blog, the BIMC is a motorcylce club that Scott belongs to. They are the Blue Iron's. They are hosting a poker run for us on April 14, 2012, registration begins at 11 a.m. at Wet Willies in the vista.
Here is the flyer for it. Sorry for the two part but that is the only way i could really attach it was to snip clip it from words.
The next exciting thing is the March of Dimes walk on April 28, 2012. It's a 6 mile walk but for those who know me, know that probably wont happen, but i'm gonna try my best in honor and in memory of our girls. Our team goal is $2,000. Please join our team: Barber Miracles or please consider donating to March of Dimes to help in the fight again prematurity. To join or donated to our team, please click on the link below.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Maybe if i type it....
People go to couseling to figure out what's going on in their heads and it's the counselors job to dig until they get to the core/root of the problem even though that person isn't really saying what they want to say. In my head I battle back and forth how i'm really doing and how i'm really holding up and in my head I never have a winner. So i figured maybe if i type it then maybe my core/root will come out. So here goes...
Just like tonight even at 1230 am knowing i have to be up in about 4 hours, I still can't close my eyes. There has been so many countless nights that when I close my eyes, bits and pieces of the day leading up to us losing Alexis to the day we had to say our final goodbye fill my head. I think when everything happened and still having Mackenzie in the NICU, I had to block it all out. I couldn't let Mackenzie feel/see my hurt and pain because she was still hanging in there for the fight of her life and it wasn't fair to her. But since being home and maybe after having a "good day" I can't help but stare at how peaceful Mackenzie is sleeping and for some reason as much joy and happiness that brings me, it also brings me such saddness and maybe that is what stirs up the memories.
There has been only 3 nights, one being tonight, to where I've actually had to curl up to Scott and have him hold me because I can't stop crying. Most nights i can do it on my own. I've stared at Mackenzie for hours tonight and i'm so thankful to have her to stare out but yet in the back of my head, I know Alexis is suppose to be with her.
I hoped to have progressed some today as I finally filled one of Alexis's hurricane globe with roses that a dear friend engraved for us with her initials and her dates but that was short lived as I pass the pictures I've printed but have still yet to go through of our last final hours with Alexis. Even my sunday visit was different.
I'm not sure if i evered blogged this but I doubt i did as I know i still kept most intimate details to just Scott and I during most of that day but maybe it's something I need to get out. (and although if it doesn't sound complete most likely it wont be because it's still so hard to share such details so I will just leave it at that ) Maybe like most things, it's something I need to face dead on... On our final night with Alexis, they had us a different room from our original room. As all the rooms in the NICU, the doors all had like a long window pane in there. There was no curtain or anything. I told Scott that night that there was no way I would be able to hand Alexis off to anyone and I didnt want anyone to take her from me but we both knew that I had to leave the room at some point, so I wanted to lay Alexis back in her bed, all neatly tucked just like how she was suppose to be every other night. I knew that was the only way I was able to leave her and say goodbye to her and that is how I wanted to remember my final hours with her.. As we did such, it took all i had left to walk out that door and once outside i clinged/clutch to the glass on the door with my hand to the pane in such tears..
Today felt like that day of me clingy to the glass... Very rarely to Scott and I go see Alexis in the same car as we always meet there or I always go by myself but today we rode together so i sat in the back with Mackenzie as always. I knew already it was a hard day just dealing with the pictures but I found myself, holding the window as we drove away from her grave site and I felt like i was in the NICU all over again on that painful night.
Its hard describing how i feel when all that comes out of my mouth is that I'm sad. And then it makes me sadder because i dont know why i'm so sad.. I have such this little diva that keeps me on my toes 24/7 but yet I feel that this saddness overcomes me more ... It truly feels like a nightmare that I'm just never going to wake up from.
I feel most times that the root/core of it all and maybe why I wont allow myself to get to happy is because I feel such guilt for doing so. I feel that by being so, it will feel like Alexis never existed.. I feel like my life is on hold because it wasn't suppose to be moving on with just one little girl it's suppose to be two.. maybe that's what it is, maybe it's guilt that's not allowing myself to get over this "depressed' hump.. maybe it's nots.. I never for one second of any single day ever every feel like Alexis ever existed or that she isn't there.. but yet i dont know how i'm suppose to overcome the guilt to just let life happen...
i think i've cried myself so much tonight that finally my eyes will allow me to sleepf or now with this headache.. so ill leave this as incomplete for now...
Just like tonight even at 1230 am knowing i have to be up in about 4 hours, I still can't close my eyes. There has been so many countless nights that when I close my eyes, bits and pieces of the day leading up to us losing Alexis to the day we had to say our final goodbye fill my head. I think when everything happened and still having Mackenzie in the NICU, I had to block it all out. I couldn't let Mackenzie feel/see my hurt and pain because she was still hanging in there for the fight of her life and it wasn't fair to her. But since being home and maybe after having a "good day" I can't help but stare at how peaceful Mackenzie is sleeping and for some reason as much joy and happiness that brings me, it also brings me such saddness and maybe that is what stirs up the memories.
There has been only 3 nights, one being tonight, to where I've actually had to curl up to Scott and have him hold me because I can't stop crying. Most nights i can do it on my own. I've stared at Mackenzie for hours tonight and i'm so thankful to have her to stare out but yet in the back of my head, I know Alexis is suppose to be with her.
I hoped to have progressed some today as I finally filled one of Alexis's hurricane globe with roses that a dear friend engraved for us with her initials and her dates but that was short lived as I pass the pictures I've printed but have still yet to go through of our last final hours with Alexis. Even my sunday visit was different.
I'm not sure if i evered blogged this but I doubt i did as I know i still kept most intimate details to just Scott and I during most of that day but maybe it's something I need to get out. (and although if it doesn't sound complete most likely it wont be because it's still so hard to share such details so I will just leave it at that ) Maybe like most things, it's something I need to face dead on... On our final night with Alexis, they had us a different room from our original room. As all the rooms in the NICU, the doors all had like a long window pane in there. There was no curtain or anything. I told Scott that night that there was no way I would be able to hand Alexis off to anyone and I didnt want anyone to take her from me but we both knew that I had to leave the room at some point, so I wanted to lay Alexis back in her bed, all neatly tucked just like how she was suppose to be every other night. I knew that was the only way I was able to leave her and say goodbye to her and that is how I wanted to remember my final hours with her.. As we did such, it took all i had left to walk out that door and once outside i clinged/clutch to the glass on the door with my hand to the pane in such tears..
Today felt like that day of me clingy to the glass... Very rarely to Scott and I go see Alexis in the same car as we always meet there or I always go by myself but today we rode together so i sat in the back with Mackenzie as always. I knew already it was a hard day just dealing with the pictures but I found myself, holding the window as we drove away from her grave site and I felt like i was in the NICU all over again on that painful night.
Its hard describing how i feel when all that comes out of my mouth is that I'm sad. And then it makes me sadder because i dont know why i'm so sad.. I have such this little diva that keeps me on my toes 24/7 but yet I feel that this saddness overcomes me more ... It truly feels like a nightmare that I'm just never going to wake up from.
I feel most times that the root/core of it all and maybe why I wont allow myself to get to happy is because I feel such guilt for doing so. I feel that by being so, it will feel like Alexis never existed.. I feel like my life is on hold because it wasn't suppose to be moving on with just one little girl it's suppose to be two.. maybe that's what it is, maybe it's guilt that's not allowing myself to get over this "depressed' hump.. maybe it's nots.. I never for one second of any single day ever every feel like Alexis ever existed or that she isn't there.. but yet i dont know how i'm suppose to overcome the guilt to just let life happen...
i think i've cried myself so much tonight that finally my eyes will allow me to sleepf or now with this headache.. so ill leave this as incomplete for now...
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Hard Copy...
Mackenzie is just growing and growing more and more each day. Scott and I just stare at her every minute we get and just can't help to beam with how far she has come. And boy is this diva such a daddy's girl. Lets see,, what all has transpired over the past week.
While at dinner, we were talking to Krista and I was telling her our story and of course I started crying. Some days I can tell our story and I hold up ok, but majority of the time, there are always tears in my eyes. Its hard because everyone always asks us how old Mackenzie is and when i say she is 8 months, we get a strange look like what, really, and then it's like I feel like i have to tell the story to explain and then that's whem the light bulb goes off. But Scott said to me.. "baby if you can't tell the story without crying to strangers then maybe you shouldn 't tell them so it doesn't put them in a odd place".. I looked at him and thought he lost his mind. I told him, i could careless what people say, there will never be a day in my life or a single breath that i wont breathe that i will ever "deny" that I have two girls. Although I do not have one here phyically to show anyone, Alexis will always still be there with me and if makes someone uncomfortable to see me cry then so be but I feel that i ever "deny" that I had Alexis then i think it will make me feel like she never existed and I never want that feeling.. She still continues to live inside Mackenzie and I truly believe she is the one that i picking me up when i keep falling..
Daddy and Pumpkin at our first dinner
Mackenzie had a doctors appt last wednesday with Dr. Cope. She currently weighed in at 10 lbs 14 oz. I really thought she would have hit 11 pounds by then but i'm pretty sure she has by now. We are excited to say that she also got to start rice ceral. So far so good on it. I tried to make it a little thicker and she didnt seem to take to that too well but she likes it pretty liquidly like and apparently i dont go fast enough for her as she screams when i take the spoon away from her or she grips it to not take it away. She is still teething but nothing has cut through yet. She is now doing this thing with her tongue where she feels like she needs to stick it out all the time and just lick everything, even the air.. it's too funny as she will be laughing and doing it as well. She is still on the propranol every 8 hours. They want to leave that on her it for at least 2 months and then we will retest for another MRI. So far Dr. Cheeseman is impressed as to what he sees so far but he said he doesn't want her to come off of it too early just because things are looking good doesn't mean the tumor is completely gone yet. We go see Dr. Williams (heart doc) this thursday and Dr. Chesseman next week so hopefully mackenzie will still continue to show good signs, until then she will just conttinue to be diva..
Pumpkin with her new shades.. Diva..
Daddy with his girls.. (3/25/12)
Diva I swear, "mommy i need one more mintute, I do not wish to be disturb."
I dont think i ever blogged this but for the longest time I've been wanting to print the first 6 months of my blog to have for Mackenzie to always know their story and friends told me about blog2print. Its where you can go there, type in your blog and it uploads it either by range of dates or the entire thing. I'm not ready for the whoele thing to be printed yet but I never want her to forget the first 6 months. Well i finally did it. It's taken me 2 months to debate it as it's been very painful to look back on it all. It just pour more salt on the wounds. Well needless to say, i ordered it last week and it came in yesterday. If you blog, blog2print is a must do. I knew what it was when i saw the box on the front door but it just looked like the elephant in the room ya know..I couldn't find myself to open it yet and i finally did a few hours later once Scott got home. It is perfect in so many ways. It was a very bittersweet moment as I was happy it was here but to relive all over i just crumbled. I wasn't able to go through it all yet just a few pages but I'm so glad that I did it and hopefully one day I will be able to sit with Alexis and read it to her. I'm waiting for that day although i know i'm not strong enough to do it now but until then it will sit in her curio cabinet until mommy is strong enough to tell her own story..
My "book"..
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)